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In Loving Memory of Suzi Page
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It seems impossible that Suzi is no
longer visible. Solid, beautiful, cheerful and generous, at 46 she was
too young to give in to cancer's cruel agenda. She's remembered for
irrepressible giggle-fits, for her strength and grace, her love of
unpredictable animals (especially dogs), for her even temper and her
tolerance. She got along with people that no one else liked or
understood, and the way she forgave people was shocking. Her compassion
for others seemed boundless, even for people who had transgressed in
ways that many would call unpardonable. Looking back, now it seems
obvious that these are the traits that got God's attention.
Suzi's diagnosis landed with a deafening
thud in our studio. Just a year before, she fractured a rib while
exercising. "Those wild antics!" we thought. As a yogini, she could
contort herself into amazing poses, most of the time giggling as it
happened. With flashes of Suzi in full-lotus mayurasana or balancing on
the pubic bone (you try it) in dhanurasana, we weren't too shocked that
she might eventually break something. She backed off on her physical
practice a little. Everything changed about four months later when she
took her dogs for a routine checkup. The veterinarian convinced her to
be X-rayed. Those images looked suspicious enough for her to get an MRI,
and eventually it was confirmed that she had multiple myeloma, which
lead to plasma cell leukemia. A real killer.
Suzi wasn't very happy about the
findings, but she didn't seem really scared either. Her treatments were
aggressive, the harsh medicines took their toll and she stopped
teaching. Her body became more and more fragile, and she came to terms
with her story. We all felt devastated. To be in her class had been so
uplifting and challenging, and we missed her nervously while she was
sick, in and out of hospitals. Sure we have stories of Suzi in the yoga
studio, but we have more than just that: we have vivid memories of her
doing yoga in the park, up in trees, at the beach, in-line at the
movies, on monuments and street corners….
Yoga filtered into all subjects and
situations for Suzi. How could you be mad at Suzi for being late to
lunch when you come out of the restaurant where you've been waiting to
find her patiently waiting for you outside on a bench with her foot
behind her head? How can you forget overhearing Suzi at the grocery
store explain karma (seriously) to a kid she saw steal some Cheez Whiz?
What better way to pass the time at the airport than by doing contact
yoga with Suzi and conducting headstand experiments? How could you
ever think of passing a tractor on a backroad cross-country tour with
Suzi without stopping to marvel at it and perhaps climb aboard?
As a teacher, Suzi celebrated her
students. She had a sense of what each person needed, and did not
mistake advanced asana for advanced practice. She'd applaud if you
could do something extreme, but if you couldn't stand still in tadasana,
or if you sped ahead in class, you were busted. She'd let you know what
she noticed, and was there to guide you. As a teacher she made time for
everybody. True: this contributed to her rarely (OK, never) finishing
a class on time, but people came to expect that, and no one left her
class feeling ignored. We loved it.
No description of turn-of-the-century
fitness instruction in Miami would be complete without mention of Suzi
Page. Born and raised in Miami, she built quite a list of friends,
colleagues and clients over years in the field. Like many who gravitate
into the yoga world, whether as students or teachers, Suzi's history
includes some interesting athletic experiments. She was a cheerleader
in high school. (The image of her with saddle shoes, mini-skirt and
pom-poms is priceless.) When she began body-building, she impressed
everyone with the cat-like agility and strength of her lean form,
especially the guys twice her size. She won trophies and awards, which
fill her room at her parents' house. For almost a decade she was a
personal trainer at local gyms, spas and health clubs all over town.
This explains why you couldn't go anywhere with Suzi without running
into someone she knew.
Friends and family recall how yoga
attracted her. She'd always possessed a devotional streak, a
characteristic that yoga teachers often wind up simulating. For her,
reverence for the mysteries of the human and the divine was a built-in
trait. It wasn't until the mid-90's that she started seriously getting
involved in yoga, first as a student of the Astanga style. With her
tremendous strength, flexibility and poise, she already embodied the
physical aspects of yoga. She was a natural teacher and her students
adored her. Her devotional bent allowed her to grasp and convey the
spiritual and esoteric expressions of yoga philosophy. Suzi went on to
study with several celebrated Astanga teachers like Chuck Miller, David
Swenson and Lino Miele, as well as with Pattabhi Jois and Sharath
Rangaswamy.
In the last few years of her life,
Suzi's practice and teaching style intensified through disciplined work
with Yoga Master Rod Stryker,
delving into the ancient holistic traditions of the
Tantric Yoga
system. In the classroom, she adopted his "Pure
Yoga" method, a synthesis of philosophy,
movement science, breathwork, chanting and meditation. Every time she
returned from a Pure Yoga workshop, we would see evidence emerge in her
own teachings. Teaching yoga philosophy without disrupting the flow of
asana and pranayama was her signature. Her classes were seamless,
organic, exhausting and enjoyable. Each class had a message, a theme
that she wove through the poses. That theme would stay with you
afterwards, throughout the day, into the week- and it didn't stop,
because there was the next class, with a new theme. She was full of
information and inspiration. We miss that. By exploring the details of
tantric hatha yoga, Suzi honed her skills in guiding students to
experience the divine relationship between the physical body and the
subtler realms of mind and spirit. It was something few teachers have
the tools to pull off. We miss her.
The day that she died, many of us went to
her beautiful little house to pay our respects. Friends, students,
teachers, family; we cried, told stories, read poems, chanted, fell
silent. With plentiful light and curtains billowing with the air of
recent rains, we took turns to sit with her. Suzi's expression spoke
volumes. An air of peace resonated from her face: eyes partly closed,
the faint smile made plain her relief. We talked with her sweet parents
and brother, looked through photo albums, and just gazed at her. It was
bittersweet and sad, as wakes usually are. A few times, her dogs
abruptly jumped up on the bed to check her out, adding both tension and
comedy to the moment. It would've been downright disturbing if it
hadn't been so obviously benevolent, and so… Suzi. We had only the
wind, the music, her dogs and each other for comfort, and we still do.
In our hearts she remains vibrant, and by leaping into the arms of the
creator, once again she has busted a bold move that most of us barely
have the strength to witness.
Suzi had a good life. Yes it's cheap to
quote a rock-n-roll tune, but sometimes it seems like only the good die
young! When she finally left the planet, it was with the mantra OM on
her breath. A few days later, her beloved teacher Rod Stryker came and
lead us through a beautiful ceremony. There must've been a hundred of
us there at the studio. Rod spoke; he and Corina lead us in a chant.
We left the studio solemnly, and once we recovered from the fact that
tow trucks had tried to start taking cars away, and that there was the
incongruous possibility of a fist fight brewing, we went in caravan to
Matheson hammock. We chose a spot at the water's edge, where Rod lead
us through an ancient Hindu Death Ceremony which provides context and
closure to help mourning friends & family to honor and release the
spirit of a loved one. According to custom, several ceramic bowls were
filled with black sesame seeds and water. The seeds represent the
physical body and its ties to the earth. Rod chanted a sacred mantra
three times. After each repetition, one group stepped forth in
silence, got a handful of seeds & flowers and threw them into the
ocean. We witnessed a brilliant transformation: overhead the sky
filled with seagulls, and suddenly the salty surf felt so inviting
against the crisp January air that before long people were plunging into
the water, embracing, fully clothed. The sight of flowers floating on
the lapping waves, familiar hands and faces flecked with little black
seeds, the cry of hovering gulls, the memory of Suzi on a perfect
afternoon was vivid and glorious.
A month later, we held a special ceremony
on Miami Beach, where 24th street meets the shoreline:
Suzi's favorite spot. The band Inner Voice sang and drummed their
hearts out on the sand. We congregated and told Suzi stories, and Rod
again was there to lead us in remembering her. Even the cops came to
see what was up. Marisa told us how Suzi reacted to the doctor who came
to deliver sobering news. We all roared when we heard how Suzi had
scolded him, giggling "You don't know me, but I'm a pretty happy person,
so when you come see me you're going to have to smile!" Sebastiano told
a beautiful story of how Suzi would say a prayer for every little bird
she saw; for every animal who crossed her path, she'd send good wishes
up to heaven. Sana talked about how much Suzi loved to shop: even two
weeks before she died, knowing well that she wasn't long for this world,
they just had to go to the mall. Gino read one of Suzi's favorite
poems: "Dharma" by Billy Collins, which was of course about dogs.
Jannie compared Suzi to a lovely and mysterious spider, having spun a
large web so all her friends could surround her, comfortably supported.
As Suzi was drawn upward toward heaven in death, the friends in her web
have been drawn closer together by her ascension. It was a powerful and
lasting image intensified by the fact that we were all huddled around
Jannie as she painted it. Benny spoke about how Suzi had comforted him
after he'd been in a severe accident that had literally broken his
neck. When he admitted he wished he'd been more attentive to her in the
end, he said aloud what many of us were feeling. Most of the stories
people shared centered Suzi's unsinkable spirit. A lot of the stories
were, in fact, about how Suzi couldn't stop laughing. Even her
oncologist, Dr. Abdullah came to speak about how she'd touched him. He
described visiting Suzi at home the week of her death. Stunned, he
asked her "How is it that you can look so beautiful?" and she responded
by laughing "I know, can you believe that I'm dying!" At sunset her friends Lee and Juan Pablo took Suzi out on a sailboat and spread her ashes into the ocean. Lee said she'd been promising to take Suzi for a ride, and this was her chance. With a fabulous sunset as background, we all watched from the beach as they battled (with Jock's help) to launch the boat. Marisa dove into the water with her clothes on, swimming with Suzi as she so often had, this time with the dust and ashes that had once been flesh and bone.
By Natalie Morales |
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